Questioning the Sacredness of Marriage

(This traditional view of a family is rarely the case anymore. These days, you would likely see a step mom, rebellious half children and other abnormalities.)


Out of the whole Qu’ran, I found the chapter “On Marriage and Family Life” to be the most interesting. Today, these seems to be two of the most talked about topics. From shows such as “Newlyweds” which focuses on the beginning of a lifetime together to shows
such as “Divorce Court” that aims to highlight problems in today’s society, we tend to spend a great deal of time and energy on the idea of marriage.

In America, for the most part, we stand by the idea on monogamy, for two people to be united and for a man to have one wife and a woman to have one husband. They are to “love and to cherish till death do [they] part,” as said in the standard wedding vows.

It is curious to me, however, how the fantasy of one partner for life seems to be fading quickly. In the olden days, marriages would be arranged and once the ceremony was complete, the two would be together forever…the end. These days, it seems to be a lot more complicated and the sacredness of marriage is diminishing. Muhammad is told to “Marry women who please you—two, three, or four—but if you fear you won’t be equitable, then only one, or a legitimate bondmaid of yours. That way it is easier for you not to go wrong” (As stated by Muhammad, 195). In the Qur’an, the idea of polygamy is accepted and even encouraged. When I read this, I tried to fathom how America would be if we had the same belief. I just couldn’t imagine it…we wouldn’t do that. We are traditional, in our sense of the word. Right? And then I realized something. The real difference between the cultures in terms of marriage is that they accept from the beginning that they will likely have multiple spouses while we marry with the ignorant idea that there is no possible way we will ever get divorced and remarried.

I am extremely lucky. (This is a photo of me and my family.) My parents have been married for over 25 years and are happy as can be. Divorce is nowhere in sight for the two of them. However for nearly half of American families, divorce is a brutal reality that has affected them a great deal, either in their own homes or in the homes of close family and friends.

My best friend, Craig, has parents who divorced a year ago. I met the family when they were together and happy but soon after, I heard the news that they would be separating. Talking to Craig about the divorce and the aftermath was and still is heartbreaking. He speaks poorly of the way his mother dealt with things and has a great deal of frustration towards his father for the role he is now trying to play in Craig’s life. (This is me and Craig when he came to visit me here at UT...i don't know how to rotate the picture in here! Sorry! )Less than a year after getting the divorce, Craig’s mother began dating a man who she is currently still with. Talk about a difficult situation. Craig went from seeing his parents together to seeing his mother gallivanting around with a stranger. How is it she was so quickly able to leave behind the matrimony she entered into years before and begin a new adventure with a complete stranger…all the while having her kids watch her. It was shocking, to say the least.

In the world of Hollywood, it is very rare that couples will stay together and loyal for any length of time. They tend to do things like run off to Vegas and get married on a whim Britney Spears), cheat on their spouse with another celebrity (Ryan Phillipe) or fall in love with a co-star and leave their current relationship (Brad Pitt). (This is a photo of Britney Spears with the man she married in Las Vegas.) ( In every one of these situations, marriage is taken for granted and no great care is given to the fact that is meant to withstand the test of time.

This leads me to wondering whether or not we should accept that marriage, in many cases, will not last forever, and therefore live our lives accordingly, always meeting new people and keeping our options open. I cannot, however, accept this idea of marriage and love. I prefer to live in the fantasy that marriages will last and we can all make it work.

I had an objection to the message Muhammad was told that if there are problems in a marriage, “if the two wish to reconcile, God will reconcile them” (as stated by Muhammad 201). These, I believe, is another example of an excessive reliance of God and lack of personal responsibility. God will reconcile them? No. They will reconcile themselves. And if they do not, it is entirely their fault. I feel that people need to fix problems themselves and stop using God as a crutch. Use him as part of the fixing if one chooses, however to rely entirely on God is, to me, a sign of weakness.